Children's Story

After many months, and a lot of pushing by my hubby and family, I have finished writing a basic draft of one of my children's stories. I would really like to get opinions and reviews on this so that I know what still needs work before I send to to any formal places for review.

Please be honest with me! You will NOT hurt my feelings. I can't fix it if no one tells me what's wrong.

That being said, please read the story below and keep in mind that there are suppose to be pictures to go along with it, which I don't have yet. Either post a comment or send me an email.

I really, really NEED this so don't be shy!

Thanks!

The Terrible, Rotten, No-Good, Horrible Day!

Nathanael Gibson had it all to bare
When he jumped outta bed without any hair.

The haircut he got yesterday after school
Just left him feeling like such a fool.

His day would be bad when the other kids saw
That Nathanael didn't have any hair at all.

He was tired and cranky and all he could say;
"It's a terrible, rotten, no-good, horrible day!"

Nathanael hated the thought of going to school.
He thought his new haircut was just too un-cool.

He was sure his friends would be laughing and tease.
He begged to stay home. "Mommy...Please, Please, Please, PLEASE!"

But Mom knew that this was not good for him, so
"Off to school" His mom said that is where he must go.

He was mad and upset and all he could say;
"It's a terrible, rotten, no-good, horrible day!"

He thought he could hide by wearing his cap.
It almost worked, till he felt a big tap.

Mr. Fogelsdorf said "You must take off this hat!"
And Nathanael knew that that would be that.

His life was now ruined. This was going to be bad.
It was enough to drive a kid stark-raving mad.

He could already feel teases coming his way.
"It's a terrible, rotten, no-good, horrible day!"

He took off his hat. What else could he do?
That's when he noticed the other ones too.

Daniel, and Samuel, and Gavin, and Jake,
Aaron, and Darren, and Quintin, and Blake,

All had a buzz from forehead to neck,
And all of them thought that they looked like a wreck.

He smiled to himself, no more full of dismay.
"Maybe... just maybe...

"It's NOT a terrible, rotten, no-good, horrible day!"

So when he lay in bed thinking of school the next day,
He would make it be good whatever came his way.

Cuz it didn't matter how he looked or what he wore.
He didn't care what his hair looked like any more.

"I may look a bit different, but I'm happy this way."
"It'll be a wonderful, awesome, spectacular day!"

And the next day...

Nathanael Gibson didn't have a care
When he jumped outta bed without any hair.